loss

“Far from Forever”

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“Light reflects from your shadow, it is more than I thought could exist. You move through the room like breathing was easy. If someone believed me, they would be as in love with you as I am. & everyday I’m learning about you the things that no one else sees and the end comes too soon like dreaming of angels and leaving without them” – Angels by the xx

 

If there is one thing I know about it is dreaming of angels and not wanting to wake up without them. Holding on to that sleep until it is ripped from your mind, your heart left empty. I’ve had dreams  of my best friend, who passed away in a car accident, screaming for me to save her. What I wouldn’t have been there to pull her away from it all. I’ve had dreams of my daddy like it was a regular day and then realizing it couldn’t be real because he was gone forever and then running towards him knowing I didn’t want to wake up from it all. Being ripped from those dreams without them is always like losing them all over again.

I’m a strong believer that there are angels here on earth as well. Those are the people that we see and like the lyrics says, makes breathing look easy. Their perfection fills the whole room and draws you in to the point that there is nothing else in the room that matters. The real world turns into a dream and you don’t want to wake up from that moment, but knowing that you will have to. Knowing that it is a real passing moment, but real or not it will be ripped away from you, taking a piece of you with it when it goes.

Others around you don’t see what you see, your dream is your own and nobody can change it. It is when they are gone that the feeling of waking up comes, not knowing when you will see them again. But that’s what angels are right? Some type of perfect illusion that you can come so close to touching but it never quite seems in your grasp. But in the same breath angels are the ones that save us, they show us feelings that we did not know existed, feelings that you can’t live with but you couldn’t dream living without after you have felt them.

There are different types of angels here of course, but the ones I speak of are the type that the song from the lyrics above describe. The one that only you understand.

This is what I wrote for my angel on Earth.

Here is to loving angels.

Transfer the pain
give it to me
without him
the point I do not see
give him a love
that is enough for his heart
to be made whole
to take all control
to give a hope
that it will forever be
let it be something he can see
she won’t let him down
she won’t let him go
let her love be enough
to break through the wall
no matter how hard I push
they just won’t fall
he said let go
so go I must
I’ll let him think
it’s all enough
but the love I had is still around
I can’t let go
it’s enough for me
so hard to see
how it coulnd’t be me
there has to be someone
someone better
someone right
to get him through the lonely night
make his dreams come true
someone he loves
that can love him too
a love like mine
I can’t imagine one more
it is impossible
but here I am
left so dark
left so cold
we both will move
poker face on
into the night
seperate, together
loving a love
far from forever

Love Always,
Lindsay.

Here is a cover of the song by a girl that I am absolutely in love with. She is on this season of the voice. You should without a doubt check her out.

 

 

http://youtu.be/J2oU9chfZuE 

Suicide our Sadness

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We always hear for whatever we are going through someone is going through something worse, right? This is totally true, but this does not change that every person’s problem is their own and they are dealing with it on a day to day basis.

I was working on a project including a collaboration of poems that tell the story of the day to day problems of the people around me and around you. Sad that these problems are abuse, death, suicide, poverty, alcoholism, mental illness, abandonment, the list goes on.

Well my next step was to write a twist on all of these, all 25 that I came up with. Why was it that when I sat down to write the positive, trying to tell these people that it would all be okay that I drew a blank?? Keep in mind I easily sat and wrote about the pain and sadness. Why was it easier to write on pain.. Is it because that is what this world has gotten use to? Is it what I have gotten use to?

I am usually a very positive person and try to twist every bad situation into something good. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, even though some have to wait longer for that reason than others.

Also, I was able to scrape up some good out of the bottom of my brain & I know it is there, just not on the surface. So I will continue to look for the good and help my fictional characters that are suffering from the different struggles of life get to happiness and free of their pain.

For now I will share with you my response to the world, to the people and all the souls that make it up. A longing and a prayer. Words that long for hope in the darkness.

 

Suicide our sadness
suffer no more
say the secrets that are seeping
through our minds
through our souls
stand for our sorrows
sedate the loneliness
succumb to the surreal thought of someday
someday it will be better
someday we will succeed
someday there will be hope
someday we will be saved
for yesterday holds our secrets
but tomorrow holds our soul
seek out sorrowed darkness
the sacrifice made
for you
for me
to dream a dream
to wish a wish
with solemn prayers
that someone can
save you
save me
save us
set us free

 

P.S. Photo above is by me 🙂

Live for Your Life

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Being new here I would first like to share the most important words I have ever chose to write. Words that express an experience that makes a huge part of who I am.

I had a best friend of three years, we did everything together. We worked together, went out together, worked out together, got boones farm wasty, had photo shoots, went to the pool, and laid and talked about life, love, and the future. Her future got taken away from her about a year ago, for she will be forever young & forever 21. I have experienced loss before but I can promise it does not ever get easier. But I have realized through words and living to make them proud is the best way to deal with it. I immediately, literally hours after I found out she passed away, sat down and wrote this.

I hope you can relate and let me know what you think. If you have someone that this reminds you of or someone you have lost, please feel free to share your story with me!

 

In a time where the bad steals from the good,
with love becoming our hate
our protection becoming our killer
before you give in, step back and look around
you are still here
what is time, but a moment waiting to slip away
live for your life
be the good you want to see
in a time where our enemy is a friend
death comes at too young of an age
what is time but an idea
that more can be lived in an hour than an entire lifetime
so live for your life
remembering the good and putting to waste the bad
trying to make it in a time where the good die young
the greedy move along with no worries and no heart
but what is time, but an opportunity to show these hearts of ours
prove to the world we are worth its time
so live your life and be the story you want to be told.

 

-Love Always,

Lindsay 🙂