fairytales

Drugs, Dreams, & Douchebags

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Ever have something happen to you that you swore wouldn’t? Yeah, me too. A few times, but this is a good example from this past weekend. I’m finally thinking straight enough to get it out halfway comprehensible. ūüôā

So going out with friends downtown seems harmless enough, until it’s not. It seems to have happened in a blink of an eye. One second I was hanging out with friends then the next moment¬†I am waking up in an ER scared and missing a whole chunk of my night from my memory. Had I been watching my drink, this could have been prevented.

I found it harmless to walk away from my drink to talk to complete strangers, how wrong was I? Very, to put it lightly. Because this is the last thing I remember until waking up in the  ER at about 4 in the morning.

Well I take that back. I remember characters from the show from Once Upon a Time attempting to attack me. (Appartently I had been watching that a bit too much.) I remember a neckbrace and hands coming at me and I was fighitng them off, because I thought I was being held against my will. These were all the people of downtown, I am assuming. Then, they were the doctors and nurses trying to help me after I fell off a curb and hit my head.

I am told I fell off a curb and hit my head, which the bump on my head and nasty knee easily proves. I am told I passed out but came to shortly after, none of which I remember. I am also told none of this is my fault, but I can’t help to feel it could have easily been prevented. I can’t help but feel it could have¬†been so much worse had my roomate let me go with the guy from the bar that was angry when she told him I was going with her.

I remember at one point (during my hallucinations) a doctor came in with a piece of paper and a cell phone. On the paper was my boyfriends phone number. I thought, “Thank God,” this is a “good guy” and he has come to help me escape. I literally left a voicemail on my boyfriend’s phone to come get me¬†in which he could barely hear because I was terrified the other doctors and nurses would find out I was attempting to escape.

When I started to come to I remember a nurse asking me personal info, my address which I am not completely sure I gave the correct one, and an emergency contact. I gave her my mom’s name but my dad’s cell number. A number I have not dialed or thought of¬†in over two years. He passed away in August of 2011. I did not even realize I still had that hidden away in my brain somewhere.

The nurse tells me with shock in her voice that my alcohol level was not high at all. I guess they thought I had just had too much since my roomate told them I wasn’t on drugs. I have never done a drug in my life so there was no reason to think I had. The same nurse said she could tell that I was a completely different person and totally out of it when I came in.

Then my boyfriend comes in and I finally feel the relief that everything is going to be okay. Walking out, in scrubs because my clothes were way past saving, I swore that I was back in my hometown hospital waiting room where my dad was when he had his heart problem. I started asking why they would take me there and wondering how they knew where he had been. Tears begin to fall regardless of all the peoples eyes pinned on me. It was not until I got in the car that I realized I was four hours away from home and being there would be impossible.

On the way home I was still way out of it but at least I was half consious of the actual world and not some imaginary one I cooked up in my mind. It has been five days since that happened, I went back to work on Monday which might not have been the best idea. I have just been so tired and aching for this bump on the back of my head to go away.

After all is said and done I am just so thankful that it was not worse.

Two weird random facts:
1. I dreamed the night I got out about a huge wave of water fixing to crash over me. I watched the next episode of Once Upon a Time the next day, I saw the same wave in that episode. I had never seen a preview or anything of the sorts.
2. Remember the phone¬†number & me thinking I was in a hospital from back home? Quote from the same episode, “Isn’t it funny how things you haven’t thought of in years can still have the ability to make you cry?” I told my best friend, & he said maybe your dad is trying to tell you something.. After that message from him¬†this is the next quote, “In order to move on and not keep making the same mistake you have to let go of the past.” This was all about rumplestilskins dad. The fact that I’ve been having problems letting go of my losses, just kinda seemed weird how it all played out.

But if you take anything from this story let it be,¬†it can happen to you. If you are going out, watch your drink. Make sure you are in good company. Watch out for douchebags. & if you plan on getting blood and vomit all over the place, don’t wear your favorite outfit..

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Everything happens for a reason?

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Fate..Destiny..Everything happens for a reason. Do you believe in it?

Ever since I was little I was fascinated with fairytales and dreams come true. I always believed if something happened it was for a reason and even if it took some time, I would figure out why. But, as I grow older I find myself not seeing the point in a lot of things. I find myself feeling the impossiblity of being truly happy. Maybe that is what turning into an adult is?

Well if that’s true, than I just don’t ever want to be an adult. I think maybe that is¬†the secret to life, never growing up. Children, at least most of them, are so full of hopes, dreams, trust, love, & goodness. Adults, at least most of them, find themselves lacking in at least one or more of these areas. We lose hope when our dreams are crushed. We lose trust when we are mislead¬†and cheated. We lose love by losing the ones we love¬†and feeling what pain comes with love. We lose goodness when we lose these things.

The things is all these traits are still somewhere inside us, they come out in the most unexpected times. So, I guess my challenge to myself¬†and others would be to hold onto the goodness. Remember what it feels like¬†and don’t let it go. Remember the older you get the more bad things that are going to happen, but that shouldn’t keep you from keeping your dreams, trusting those that don’t give you a reason not to. So have¬†crazy dreams, fall in love, take that trip, go for a run, play¬†pretend, take chances, &¬†find that reason for your life in the things & people around you. If you look for it I promise you will find a reason for everything being the way it is. You would not be where you are if it were not for destiny, you are meant to be exactly where you are. Don’t worry about the past¬†and the things you can’t change. Just make sure to listen to your inner self ūüôā

Be a kid again!!

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Love always,

Lindsay